LINES

Lines.  We all fall victim to them.  At the grocery store. At the bank.  At McDon'talds.  They are unavoidable. We all jockey for position when approaching them at the bank or the checkout. Our eyes are constantly scanning so our brain can compute which line will move the fastest.  I have a little tip for all of you that could help you choose the fastest line.

Don't get in line behind me.

While I consider myself a guy with above average intelligence and pride myself on my ability to think logically, I suck when it comes to choosing the right line.  Whatever part of the brain that controls line choosing functions or whichever gene it takes to instinctively guide us to the right space, I simply don't have.

At McDon'talds, Burger Kingsizemybutt, or Taco Hell, I will always be behind the one person in the civilized world that has never been there before and will need each and every item on the menu explained to them as they stare blankly at the glowing menu board.

I will always be behind the guy at the toll booth that somehow manages to throw his coins to the pavement, completely missing the Grand Canyon sized basket two inches from his hand.

The person in front of me at the ATM seems to always be one step down on the evolutionary ladder and will randomly punch buttons like a monkey in a lab trying to determine the right combination to dispense food.  And the monkey gets it's food quicker than my Neanderthal man gets his money.

Even if I find a lane at the grocery store that has no line, the scanner will not function correctly, the register will crash or the clerk will suddenly pass out from an acute case of scurvy.

I don't even want to tell you what happens when there is a line at a public rest room.

So, there you have it folks.  My little "tip of the day" to help make your life a little easier. 

Don't get behind Big Billy

(I just teed it up with that last line.  Start swinging)

Comments

[jerry w]

Chances are good that I'm the Smithsonian dodger at the front of the line you're at the back of.

This is due to a similar problem I have; When there's a 50/50 chance of hitting the slow line, 9 times out of 10 I'm in it.

This is because 83% of all possibilities percentages are made up on the fly.

Meanwhile, are you in the election thing as a silent but deadly stealth candidate?

Cheers,
Jerry
boskolives.wordpress.com

[tyoga]

And how public was that rest room?
Ever notice how all of us think we are the only ones that can pick the slowest line?

I don’t understand the “Teed up” statement, Double B.
Are you suggesting someone may make a comment concerning your volume?

I always thought Double B’s were a fine size.
Just less then a C but not more then a mouth full.

I can’t believe anyone might think that it would be impossible to get A ROUND your big bottom (Double? B) before the store closed.
That before you could order your dinner, the menu would change to breakfast in the time it took to move A ROUND you.
That fish would swim in your shadow, thinking you were a slow moving tug offering them shade.

That would be rude and you know your faithful would never stoop low.
They might have to crawl, but never stoop.